JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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