He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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