You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
