who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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