He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
