How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
