just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
