you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
