The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
