It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
