What a fucking waste of an outfit
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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