im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
