Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
