32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
