3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
