Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
