I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
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the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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