just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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