You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
