Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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