Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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