the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
