we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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