we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
