So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i think my cat just said my name.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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