So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
