I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
