you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
