Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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