You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
