Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
