My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
