life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
