What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
