So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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