My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
