Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
