ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
