ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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