YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize