i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
