He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
