hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
