A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
