Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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