Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
