He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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