Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize