Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
