It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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