I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
