Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he just fucked me for my cheese..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
