i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
