Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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