wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
