I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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