My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
