people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
