apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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