i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think my moral compass just broke
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
