I'm drive I can fine osifer
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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