The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
