HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
