i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
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I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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